"I tried to so hard to please you, but I just can't seem too, baby" - Musiq Soulchild - Mary Go Round
Sometimes when you're in a relationship, you have to be single.
I'm an extremely emotional person, that's just how I was created by default, and how I've always been. I need men to understand that and work with me. Some have done it better than others. I'm not emotional in the sense that I cry or whine a lot, but rather, I am what one of my best friends would call, "emotionally needy". I need to feel appreciated, I need spontaneity, I need concern, I need friendship, I need you to act like you care in more ways then one. You know, because that's what a relationship is.
But I've realized that by default, a lot of men, just aren't like that. They're very simple creatures. It's no one's fault, not his, nor mine. We're just wired differently.
My feeling is this. In a relationship, you choose to share yourself with your significant other. A relationship is taking an oath saying, I'm on a hiatus of my single-hood because I choose to be with you, and I am going to forfeit some of my personal space so that you and I can make this work.
Now there are exceptions: If the person you're dealing with is a stalker, up under your armpits so much so that you can barely breathe, then that's a completely different problem. One that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. But in most normal cases, it's just never that real. I'm a working woman who works a full-time job, has a life that involve friends, parties, and social gatherings, so damn if I just want to cuddle at night. That's pretty normal relationship behavior. Selfish? I really don't think so.
So the idea arises that in order to make your significant other happy, you have to simply, give him/her space. You have to stamp your temporary single card on your heart, emotionally detach yourself, withold your feelings, woo-sah, and just let the sh*t go. It hurts. But as I've mentioned before, compromise is a two-way street.
I posted the above Musiq Soulchild quote because I thought it was relevant to this discussion. Ladies, what percentage do you expect to receive in a relationship? How much do you give out? Who does more compromising, you or him? And most importantly, when does the option of pleasing your mate become so frustrating that you can't seem too anymore?