Tuesday, February 16, 2010

On Cheating Fathers and their Daughters

I grew up in a loving home. Mother, father, sister, brother. I was raised by two strong parents who I love dearly. I went to good schools my entire life and was educated by great teachers and my peers. I've been in good and bad relationships, all of which I've learned a lot from. I've seen my parents relationship at it's best and at it's worst. But there is something I think I should touch on, part of a discussion that I had recently.

A lot of times, women want to believe that all men have the same tendencies toward women. All men cheat because there are just so many options in the world.

Let me be the first to say, that's not always the case. I've seen many times, a good man with good intentions be honest in his feelings, and give his heart and women walk all over it. We'll use him. And ultimately we'll break him. Leaving him wounded, lacking trust, and half-ass loving for his next relationship, which will be with a woman whom he will ultimately cheat on.

My father is a great man. Great provider, great dad, etc. When I was younger, I used to have a I want to be like my daddy t-shirt. I was positive that he could do no wrong. As I got older, changes started happening. My father would go out on Friday nights with "friends" and wouldn't come home until Sunday. He would take trips out of town, for a few days, sans my mother, and wouldn't tell us where he was staying or who he was with. That kind of thing. And note, it's important to know that my father is an adult, not a boy, not a young man, a GROWN 60-something year old man.

I ignored it. After all, he is a great dad, and that is my relationship with him. I am not my mother, so I will not tell him how to live his life. I digress.

I began wondering about the cycle of cheating men, cycle meaning the length of time that a man or woman will cheat until he/she is satisfied. I know my parents had their issues as in all relationships, but they were solid. How long does it take a man/woman to get the cheating gene out of there system?

I always remember chanting this mantra: I will never let a man cheat on me. I will never let a man cheat on me. I'll be damned if I'm the one getting hurt. If anyone's going to cheat it's going to be me.

And so it began. I got into a relationships with a good guys, and I cheated. Leaving some new woman to pick up the pieces of my insecurities. Most women when seeing their parents infidelity determine that they are going to do things different, they are either going to do anything in their power to make their relationship work or they are just going to accept the fact that men cheat and that's how it's going to be. I was different. I was the one who let the good guy go because I feared them cheating on me. If my father, who was in a marriage for 20 some odd years and is well in his golden years was still doing it, then of course it could happen to me.

I've since then, analyzied my behavior, and rethought my actions. But I don't think that I'm alone in this idea, nor do I doubt that many of you will agree that the role of a father to their daughters lives are beyond important.

So, a message to cheating fathers on their daughters. Take care of what you do and who you do it with. Actions speak exponentially louder than words and even if we say nothing, we are always watching. You can preach until your blue in the face about respect, honesty, faithfulness, etc. But as writer and philosopher, Elbert Hubbard once said, you have to "live truth instead of professing it". We are far more affected by the decisions that you make then you might realize.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OMG u have GOT to be kidding me! I can't even think about my father after he cheated! And we used to be so close!!!!!! How can you forgive him? The act of him cheating shows what kind of a person he is! If u can forgive and forget, it shows that you might think it's ok to cheat, well it's NOT!