Emotionally Needy Part 1

"I tried to so hard to please you, but I just can't seem too, baby" - Musiq Soulchild - Mary Go Round

Sometimes when you're in a relationship, you have to be single.

I'm an extremely emotional person, that's just how I was created by default, and how I've always been. I need men to understand that and work with me. Some have done it better than others. I'm not emotional in the sense that I cry or whine a lot, but rather, I am what one of my best friends would call, "emotionally needy". I need to feel appreciated, I need spontaneity, I need concern, I need friendship, I need you to act like you care in more ways then one. You know, because that's what a relationship is.

But I've realized that by default, a lot of men, just aren't like that. They're very simple creatures. It's no one's fault, not his, nor mine. We're just wired differently.

My feeling is this. In a relationship, you choose to share yourself with your significant other. A relationship is taking an oath saying, I'm on a hiatus of my single-hood because I choose to be with you, and I am going to forfeit some of my personal space so that you and I can make this work.

Now there are exceptions: If the person you're dealing with is a stalker, up under your armpits so much so that you can barely breathe, then that's a completely different problem. One that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. But in most normal cases, it's just never that real. I'm a working woman who works a full-time job, has a life that involve friends, parties, and social gatherings, so damn if I just want to cuddle at night. That's pretty normal relationship behavior. Selfish? I really don't think so.

So the idea arises that in order to make your significant other happy, you have to simply, give him/her space. You have to stamp your temporary single card on your heart, emotionally detach yourself, withold your feelings, woo-sah, and just let the sh*t go. It hurts. But as I've mentioned before, compromise is a two-way street.

I posted the above Musiq Soulchild quote because I thought it was relevant to this discussion. Ladies, what percentage do you expect to receive in a relationship? How much do you give out? Who does more compromising, you or him? And most importantly, when does the option of pleasing your mate become so frustrating that you can't seem too anymore?

Discuss.

Nicki Minaj Gets Faded

Her weave has little girls running to the nearest beauty shops to cop pink extensions, her barbie doll candy image fools you into thinking she's sweet, until she opens her mouth and the gritty Queens native nearly attacks your senses. With a jolt of animation and lyrics to boot, if you're not left bobbing your head at the end of her verse, you're crazy.

I've been a fan of Ms. Harujuku Barbie since she signed to Young Money. Her song, "Itty, Bitty Piggy" had me hype. Finally, I thought, a female rapper who's talent might rival her looks. Lord knows, it's been awhile. Since then she's collaborated with rappers such as Ludacris, Trina and Gucci Mane, to music icons such as Mariah Carey.

She might as well have bad bitch stamped on her forehead, with seemingly no competition in sight, she's been riding the wave of fame for a little while now, clutching her Louie V and signing boobs. All in a day's work.

Nicki Minaj covers the new issue of Fader Magazine.

Lady's Laughables: Old Spice Commercial

LMAO! Look at your man, now back to me, now at your man, now back to me. Classic.

To the Other Brother..

Frequently, I treat relationships like traffic. I’m the traffic conductor, and men are the cars. So when I tell them to stay in their lane, they do. When I flag them down, they yield to my attention and pull over. When I think it’s time for us to put on the brakes, we stop.

Many of my girlfriends adhere to these rules. So you can imagine my confusion when, while chatting it up with one the other night over some wine, she tells me about this brother she is seeing who just can’t seem to stop at red lights.

It’s as if she was flashing her hazards to get my attention!

“Give me details”, I say. I’m ready to read him his rights.

"I'm just not that into him. You know, like that movie?” she begins. “I've got a man already, so he was just there as a perk. He was the other brother. I thought it would be fun."

She looks a little frazzled. I mean, who wouldn’t be? This guy is in clear violation of all the rules. And beyond that, she’s annoyed, her hair is falling out, and her new fresh minx manicure is chipping. “All stress,” she says. The game is getting to her.

I’m immediately concerned. I act accordingly, and run down a list of questions.

“Name?”

Let’s call him the other brother.

“How’d you meet”?

Out one night with the girls.

“Did you tell him you had a man?”

Yes! Immediately. I didn’t think he would stick around.

Sex?

Yes.

Good sex?

Eh.


What’s he been doing?

Ugh. Bothering me. Emails, texts, phone calls. I told him to stay out of my way when I’m with Mr. Man. He doesn’t get it. He’s an emotional one. Momma’s boy.

Agh. Emotions. Those suckers always put a glitch in the system. Ok, so his violation is obvious. Girl has guy. Girl meets another guy. And guy oversteps his boundaries. A compulsory violation.

And then I do what I have been known to do in the past. I issue a citation for her to give to him. It goes like this:

Subject: Breach of Contract
Background: No priors. 1st Offense

Dear Mr. Other Brother,

I simply cannot wrap my mind around why I kept you be in my life for oh so long. Though your strong back, chiseled physique and flirtatious smile kept you on my list of cuties for quite some time. You simply do not make the cut.

Your constant calls and texts annoy me. It's like I have another man, and I really just can't deal with your emotions. Let's make one thing clear, you are not, nor will ever be, my man. That title is reserved for the one who has it now. Besides, why would I leave my large caramel frapachino with extra whip cream, for a mere black coffee? It doesn't make sense.

And please remember, you are the "other brother". I thought we discussed that you were going to play your position accordingly. My man fulfills my every need, and on your best day, you're simply mediocre.

And I'm not talking about the sex; it did what it was supposed to do. I guess. But, it's 2010 and I think you need a reality check. These little games you play are wack at best, and in reality when you think you've won the checkers game, you find out we're really playing chess.

And please spare me the macho shit about how you got in my draws. Here's breaking news: I let you. Nothing went down that I didn't want. Game recognize game brother, and dare I say that you men have been messing with us sistas for years. So, how's it feel to be my bitch? Trust me, I won't be sad without you, I won't even pout when you're gone. Now that it's over I'm completely content.

Mr. Other brother, excuse me a minute while I throw on my Marc Jacob glasses, dust off my sundress, pull on my 6-inch stilettos and kick you out of my life. You never deserved me anyways. An educated woman like me definitely makes mistakes, but some days I don't even know why I let you stick around. It's sad that it took me so long to discover that I'm way more fly than any girl you will ever encounter. And to the girls you pull in the future, good luck chuck, hope they can do what I did. Ugh, the mere fact that I had you on my roster for so long would make any mother roll over in their grave. Twice.

I hope you're not salty brother. I do and always will wish you the best. It's just that when the shot clock has 15 seconds on it and you're faced with what could be the last play of the game, you do what you think is best for the team. And quite frankly, as the coach of this team, I pick the star player. And you already know the bench warmer never gets MVP.

It was fun while it lasted, I suppose. But let's wrap this up. Don't call, don't write, don't text, don't BBM, don't send me a message, don't follow me on twitter. No need to say you’re going to lose my number; I'll be changing it in the morning. Believe me, I'm over it. I'm over you.

Dueces.

P.S. -- I hope we can remain friends. But, well... you know how it is.

A Motivational Moment: Jacque Reid

Uh. Can we say girl crush? I aspire to be like this woman! Jacque Reid is a hard-hitting journalist who's worked over 15 years reporting in different media outlets such as CNN's Headline News and BET's Nightly News. She is now starring on the new show, "Let's Talk About Pep"on VH1, where she shows the side of herself that doesnt generally get past cameras, hangs up her business suits, and storms the city in stilettos with her fellow girlfriends Pepa, Kittie, and Joumana. A woman after my own heart.

I met Ms. Reid a couple years back at the NABJ's Conference in Chicago and I loved her! Not only does she have the brains to completely take over the world, she was also very sweet, beautiful, and effortlessly stylish. The entire package! Plus, she gave me tips on getting ahead in my career. I remember thinking, this is me in 10 years!

Now if I could just have her level of expertise and Tanika Ray's big Hollywood hair! Life would be sweet.

Check her out on the latest enstallment of "Let's Talk About Pep:

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On Cheating Fathers and their Daughters

I grew up in a loving home. Mother, father, sister, brother. I was raised by two strong parents who I love dearly. I went to good schools my entire life and was educated by great teachers and my peers. I've been in good and bad relationships, all of which I've learned a lot from. I've seen my parents relationship at it's best and at it's worst. But there is something I think I should touch on, part of a discussion that I had recently.

A lot of times, women want to believe that all men have the same tendencies toward women. All men cheat because there are just so many options in the world.

Let me be the first to say, that's not always the case. I've seen many times, a good man with good intentions be honest in his feelings, and give his heart and women walk all over it. We'll use him. And ultimately we'll break him. Leaving him wounded, lacking trust, and half-ass loving for his next relationship, which will be with a woman whom he will ultimately cheat on.

My father is a great man. Great provider, great dad, etc. When I was younger, I used to have a I want to be like my daddy t-shirt. I was positive that he could do no wrong. As I got older, changes started happening. My father would go out on Friday nights with "friends" and wouldn't come home until Sunday. He would take trips out of town, for a few days, sans my mother, and wouldn't tell us where he was staying or who he was with. That kind of thing. And note, it's important to know that my father is an adult, not a boy, not a young man, a GROWN 60-something year old man.

I ignored it. After all, he is a great dad, and that is my relationship with him. I am not my mother, so I will not tell him how to live his life. I digress.

I began wondering about the cycle of cheating men, cycle meaning the length of time that a man or woman will cheat until he/she is satisfied. I know my parents had their issues as in all relationships, but they were solid. How long does it take a man/woman to get the cheating gene out of there system?

I always remember chanting this mantra: I will never let a man cheat on me. I will never let a man cheat on me. I'll be damned if I'm the one getting hurt. If anyone's going to cheat it's going to be me.

And so it began. I got into a relationships with a good guys, and I cheated. Leaving some new woman to pick up the pieces of my insecurities. Most women when seeing their parents infidelity determine that they are going to do things different, they are either going to do anything in their power to make their relationship work or they are just going to accept the fact that men cheat and that's how it's going to be. I was different. I was the one who let the good guy go because I feared them cheating on me. If my father, who was in a marriage for 20 some odd years and is well in his golden years was still doing it, then of course it could happen to me.

I've since then, analyzied my behavior, and rethought my actions. But I don't think that I'm alone in this idea, nor do I doubt that many of you will agree that the role of a father to their daughters lives are beyond important.

So, a message to cheating fathers on their daughters. Take care of what you do and who you do it with. Actions speak exponentially louder than words and even if we say nothing, we are always watching. You can preach until your blue in the face about respect, honesty, faithfulness, etc. But as writer and philosopher, Elbert Hubbard once said, you have to "live truth instead of professing it". We are far more affected by the decisions that you make then you might realize.

Valentine's Day - Why It Matters

My boyfriend and I have a bit of disagreement this time of year. Valentine's Day. He doesn't celebrate it, I do. I don't know how many of you all have this problem too, but if you do, solutions are welcomed, because as much as I try to sit back and forget Valentine's Day exists, the more it's in my face that it's coming.

Now I do believe Valentine's Day is a holiday designed to make Hallmark rich. But you know what? I really don't care. So are all the other holidays. There's a day for family, there's a day for Presidents, Veterans, mothers, fathers, etc...why not a day for love. I'm a romantic. I love love. It's probably one of the more girlier things about me. So just like other holidays, Valentine's Day is special too. It's more of a "reaffirm your love day", then a "I'm going to buy you something just because I'm supposed too" day. And honestly, I would much prefer to receive something as a surprise randomly, then on a day when I know to expect something.

I'm willing to compromise. After all, I see his point of view. But... compromise is something meant for two parties, right? Happy Valentine's Day all.

Discuss.

Rihanna: Rude Boy

Cute video!

Before Your 20s becomes your 30s

I ran across this article over at the website, Yeah... She said It... 13 Things I Wish I Knew Before 30. The title is pretty self explanatory, so here are the first three excerpts that I found interesting:

1. If a man wants you, really wants you, there is nothing you can do to keep him away.

Contrarily, if a man is not that interested in you, there is nothing you can do to make him stay.
Years ago when I was much younger I would stress out about a man not returning my call or not doing what he said he was going to do. Sometimes I would blame myself and wonder was it something that I could have possibly done to perhaps upset him. When in actuality, it was never completely up to me. If a man is sincerely interested in you or getting to know you then he will make the effort. There will not be an array of excuses for him to pull out of his bull s**t bucket. His actions will show what he is feeling and if he is being honest, they will line up with what he is saying. On the contrary, if a man is not that interested in you, then his actions will also show that as well. It is not your job to constantly chase after him.

2. Credit Is A Pathway To Financial Security

When I turned 18 everybody and their moma was offering me a credit card. The temptation became too much for me and I could not resist the credit card monster. I made the decision then that new sneakers, and jeans were more important to me than my credit score. So, I charged, charged, charged, and ended up never acquiring the finances to pay it all back. Years later, I am still suffering the consequences of those decisions. Clothes and looking fly are important, but not as important as being able to get your first car or apartment without begging a family member to co-sign for you. It is a beautiful feeling to be able to get your own, on your own.

3. Some Women Are Petty, But There Are Good Sistas Out There

We are often taught as little girls not to trust other little girls. My mother installed in me from a young age that women can be sneaky and petty. Sure this is true. There are some women who lack the ability to be a good friend. There are also those who possess those qualities. Unfortunately, my distrust for other women, often led me to be defensive and socially awkward in female oriented social situations. It took many years for me to be able to fully trust other women and to want to develop a strong friendship with them. I am lucky enough now to have true friends and life long bonds.

For the Full article...click HERE

John Mayer: It's Not Ok

Talented singer, guitarist, and entertainer John Mayer has the internet in an uproar over his remarks made in an interview with Playboy magazine. In the article some of the most outlandish things to come out of his mouth yet:

#1 -Mayer on dating black women:

"I don't think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick."

#2 - Mayer on "being black"

"I come on very strong. That's why black people love me. Someone asked me the other day, "What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?" And by the way, it's sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, "I can't really have a hood pass. I've never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, 'We're full.'"

Ok, Johnny. Why am I not surprised. It's my realization that given enough interviews and time in the limelight, most people will always expose themselves. Unfortunately, most times, it's not for the best.

First, Why do we as African Americans, put so much stock into certain people, and then when the person is caught being candid, we're suddenly appalled?

Case in point: Bill Clinton. I remember when comedians like Chris Tucker would joke with him saying he was inducted as the first black President because he wasn't from a high income family, liked soul food, etc. Fast forward years later to when Hilary Clinton was running for President against Obama. He was caught talking about Obama with Ted Kennedy saying, "A few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee."

Or remember how Jay-Z embraced and promoted Cristal, the expensive champagne that artists made huge by putting in their songs? Well along comes Frederic Rouzand, the managing director, who was asked by the Economist whether associations with rap stars could affect the marque, he said, "That's a good question, but what can we do? We can't forbid people from buying it. I'm sure Dom Perignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business". Jay-Z later dropped the label.

And now John Mayer, who compares his cock to David Duke, the founder of the KKK, and thinks that because he and his music can relate so strongly to black people, he too, could make a pun using the N word...and get away with it.

It's just not ok.

Second: I can't say that I've listened to a lot of his music, but there are a few key songs that been added to my various playlists over time. But I know many people who are die hard John Mayer fans, and a few who have wooed themselves into the idea that he's a black guy in a white boys body. Similar to the likes of Eminem.

Call me crazy but personally, I think John Mayer portrayed typical white people behavior. It's the idea that when you're sitting on top of the world and you have a lot of fans or followers etc., you tend to feel as if you're invincible, you can do and say anything. But I've found that with a lot of people, especially white people...this is when the honesty shines through or in other words, this is when the innate racist come out. Black people are guilty of this too.

Now just to be clear, to my knowledge, John Mayer is not a racist, he misspoke. And before you throw the computer on the floor, I believe that John Mayer was making a JOKE. His whole concept was just misconstrued by the use of his language.

My solution is this: African Americans need to stop giving white people a "black pass" and saying things like, Hey you! You seem cool enough! You get a hood pass! Because with honesty comes reality, and reality, is a wolf in sheep's clothes. Also, the use of the 'N word' needs to be banned, from any party, black or white. Permanently.

John Mayer has recently apologized in a series of tweets, saying

"I am sorry that I used the word. And it's such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualize using it because I realize that there's no intellectualizing a word that is so emotionally charged."

Eh. It's not the end of the world, just a blemish on his record. Sad to say this stuff happens all the time and once something else of notoreity happens it will be forgotten. It's just upsetting that he initially thought it was ok.

It simply is not. And it never will be. Discuss.

Why I like Wale...

"I don't wait for a handout, I just go out and get what I get" - Wale talking about his encounter with Kanye West on Rap-Up TV

I've been meaning to do a blog about Wale for a long time since he stepped into the hip-hop scene. Wale, a DC native, who has come out with his first album Attention Deficit, reps for the DMV, (DC, Maryland, and Virginia respectively), and totes gogo on his back like a lifeline. He, simply put, has garnered a lot of respect from me.

Wale has come out of a city, where rappers are few and far between to leave. I should know, as a native of Maryland, I've seen my share of singers/rappers/music producers trying to get "put on", sent back to the drawing board as if their style of music wasn't even a contender in the worldwide competition.

So you can imagine my intrigue when one day I got in my car, and "DC Chillin, PG Chillin" sounds through the speakers like it belongs in the mix. To even more of my shock, when I see the video he and Lady Gaga are posted up in front of various stops I used to frequent... Ben's Chilli Bowl, Madness, etc. It's like I was transported back to high school, where I wasn't teased for my pronunciation of "uhrea" (area), and go-go music was commonplace.

Wale doesn't appear to be about the glitz and glamour, typically donning a polo and a fitted, what attracted me to him was his persona, that "I'm a regular guy" mentality with a hustler's spirit to match.

I'm glad there's someone who can finally represent for the DMV, I think it's long overdue, and there is plenty talent to be found. Wale might just be the first to kick through the door and stomp in... still in his Nike Boots.

Peep his latest video for Pretty Girls:

Girl... Where have you Been?

Life and Times of an Entry Level Blogger...Part 3...

I have been Busy. Busy. Busy. Or as many of you know, just extremely focused. So many things have passed, and in an effort to try to keep up , I realize this blog had fallen behind.

So, first off,

It's 2010! Happy New Year! Personally, this new year comes with a plethora of blessings, responsibilties, and tasks that have to be completed. I've made a committment to myself to get more financially responsible, be a bit more demanding with my goals, and just get it together personally! I have so much living and learning to do, that I realized I simply need to tackle it head on. But one thing I did not do this year? Have a resolutions. Nope, I set goals.

Now, if you are like me, you are the type of chick that wants to do everything and BE everything. I've taken tumultous tasks of trying to do a million things at once. Update this blog, write my own tv show, work my 9 to 5, (which really is more like a 9 to 9), try to be the best girlfriend, live the life of a 23 year old, travel, meet up with friends, eat healthy (or not so much), get my career together, see family more.......you get the picture. I'm bogged down with LIFE. So needless to say, I'm forging ahead on my path to greatness.

I intend to keep this blog rolling, but please just bare with me....