Emotionally Needy Part 1

"I tried to so hard to please you, but I just can't seem too, baby" - Musiq Soulchild - Mary Go Round

Sometimes when you're in a relationship, you have to be single.

I'm an extremely emotional person, that's just how I was created by default, and how I've always been. I need men to understand that and work with me. Some have done it better than others. I'm not emotional in the sense that I cry or whine a lot, but rather, I am what one of my best friends would call, "emotionally needy". I need to feel appreciated, I need spontaneity, I need concern, I need friendship, I need you to act like you care in more ways then one. You know, because that's what a relationship is.

But I've realized that by default, a lot of men, just aren't like that. They're very simple creatures. It's no one's fault, not his, nor mine. We're just wired differently.

My feeling is this. In a relationship, you choose to share yourself with your significant other. A relationship is taking an oath saying, I'm on a hiatus of my single-hood because I choose to be with you, and I am going to forfeit some of my personal space so that you and I can make this work.

Now there are exceptions: If the person you're dealing with is a stalker, up under your armpits so much so that you can barely breathe, then that's a completely different problem. One that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. But in most normal cases, it's just never that real. I'm a working woman who works a full-time job, has a life that involve friends, parties, and social gatherings, so damn if I just want to cuddle at night. That's pretty normal relationship behavior. Selfish? I really don't think so.

So the idea arises that in order to make your significant other happy, you have to simply, give him/her space. You have to stamp your temporary single card on your heart, emotionally detach yourself, withold your feelings, woo-sah, and just let the sh*t go. It hurts. But as I've mentioned before, compromise is a two-way street.

I posted the above Musiq Soulchild quote because I thought it was relevant to this discussion. Ladies, what percentage do you expect to receive in a relationship? How much do you give out? Who does more compromising, you or him? And most importantly, when does the option of pleasing your mate become so frustrating that you can't seem too anymore?

Discuss.

Nicki Minaj Gets Faded

Her weave has little girls running to the nearest beauty shops to cop pink extensions, her barbie doll candy image fools you into thinking she's sweet, until she opens her mouth and the gritty Queens native nearly attacks your senses. With a jolt of animation and lyrics to boot, if you're not left bobbing your head at the end of her verse, you're crazy.

I've been a fan of Ms. Harujuku Barbie since she signed to Young Money. Her song, "Itty, Bitty Piggy" had me hype. Finally, I thought, a female rapper who's talent might rival her looks. Lord knows, it's been awhile. Since then she's collaborated with rappers such as Ludacris, Trina and Gucci Mane, to music icons such as Mariah Carey.

She might as well have bad bitch stamped on her forehead, with seemingly no competition in sight, she's been riding the wave of fame for a little while now, clutching her Louie V and signing boobs. All in a day's work.

Nicki Minaj covers the new issue of Fader Magazine.

Lady's Laughables: Old Spice Commercial

LMAO! Look at your man, now back to me, now at your man, now back to me. Classic.

To the Other Brother..

Frequently, I treat relationships like traffic. I’m the traffic conductor, and men are the cars. So when I tell them to stay in their lane, they do. When I flag them down, they yield to my attention and pull over. When I think it’s time for us to put on the brakes, we stop.

Many of my girlfriends adhere to these rules. So you can imagine my confusion when, while chatting it up with one the other night over some wine, she tells me about this brother she is seeing who just can’t seem to stop at red lights.

It’s as if she was flashing her hazards to get my attention!

“Give me details”, I say. I’m ready to read him his rights.

"I'm just not that into him. You know, like that movie?” she begins. “I've got a man already, so he was just there as a perk. He was the other brother. I thought it would be fun."

She looks a little frazzled. I mean, who wouldn’t be? This guy is in clear violation of all the rules. And beyond that, she’s annoyed, her hair is falling out, and her new fresh minx manicure is chipping. “All stress,” she says. The game is getting to her.

I’m immediately concerned. I act accordingly, and run down a list of questions.

“Name?”

Let’s call him the other brother.

“How’d you meet”?

Out one night with the girls.

“Did you tell him you had a man?”

Yes! Immediately. I didn’t think he would stick around.

Sex?

Yes.

Good sex?

Eh.


What’s he been doing?

Ugh. Bothering me. Emails, texts, phone calls. I told him to stay out of my way when I’m with Mr. Man. He doesn’t get it. He’s an emotional one. Momma’s boy.

Agh. Emotions. Those suckers always put a glitch in the system. Ok, so his violation is obvious. Girl has guy. Girl meets another guy. And guy oversteps his boundaries. A compulsory violation.

And then I do what I have been known to do in the past. I issue a citation for her to give to him. It goes like this:

Subject: Breach of Contract
Background: No priors. 1st Offense

Dear Mr. Other Brother,

I simply cannot wrap my mind around why I kept you be in my life for oh so long. Though your strong back, chiseled physique and flirtatious smile kept you on my list of cuties for quite some time. You simply do not make the cut.

Your constant calls and texts annoy me. It's like I have another man, and I really just can't deal with your emotions. Let's make one thing clear, you are not, nor will ever be, my man. That title is reserved for the one who has it now. Besides, why would I leave my large caramel frapachino with extra whip cream, for a mere black coffee? It doesn't make sense.

And please remember, you are the "other brother". I thought we discussed that you were going to play your position accordingly. My man fulfills my every need, and on your best day, you're simply mediocre.

And I'm not talking about the sex; it did what it was supposed to do. I guess. But, it's 2010 and I think you need a reality check. These little games you play are wack at best, and in reality when you think you've won the checkers game, you find out we're really playing chess.

And please spare me the macho shit about how you got in my draws. Here's breaking news: I let you. Nothing went down that I didn't want. Game recognize game brother, and dare I say that you men have been messing with us sistas for years. So, how's it feel to be my bitch? Trust me, I won't be sad without you, I won't even pout when you're gone. Now that it's over I'm completely content.

Mr. Other brother, excuse me a minute while I throw on my Marc Jacob glasses, dust off my sundress, pull on my 6-inch stilettos and kick you out of my life. You never deserved me anyways. An educated woman like me definitely makes mistakes, but some days I don't even know why I let you stick around. It's sad that it took me so long to discover that I'm way more fly than any girl you will ever encounter. And to the girls you pull in the future, good luck chuck, hope they can do what I did. Ugh, the mere fact that I had you on my roster for so long would make any mother roll over in their grave. Twice.

I hope you're not salty brother. I do and always will wish you the best. It's just that when the shot clock has 15 seconds on it and you're faced with what could be the last play of the game, you do what you think is best for the team. And quite frankly, as the coach of this team, I pick the star player. And you already know the bench warmer never gets MVP.

It was fun while it lasted, I suppose. But let's wrap this up. Don't call, don't write, don't text, don't BBM, don't send me a message, don't follow me on twitter. No need to say you’re going to lose my number; I'll be changing it in the morning. Believe me, I'm over it. I'm over you.

Dueces.

P.S. -- I hope we can remain friends. But, well... you know how it is.

A Motivational Moment: Jacque Reid

Uh. Can we say girl crush? I aspire to be like this woman! Jacque Reid is a hard-hitting journalist who's worked over 15 years reporting in different media outlets such as CNN's Headline News and BET's Nightly News. She is now starring on the new show, "Let's Talk About Pep"on VH1, where she shows the side of herself that doesnt generally get past cameras, hangs up her business suits, and storms the city in stilettos with her fellow girlfriends Pepa, Kittie, and Joumana. A woman after my own heart.

I met Ms. Reid a couple years back at the NABJ's Conference in Chicago and I loved her! Not only does she have the brains to completely take over the world, she was also very sweet, beautiful, and effortlessly stylish. The entire package! Plus, she gave me tips on getting ahead in my career. I remember thinking, this is me in 10 years!

Now if I could just have her level of expertise and Tanika Ray's big Hollywood hair! Life would be sweet.

Check her out on the latest enstallment of "Let's Talk About Pep:

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